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Arranging a
Funeral
A funeral can provide an important opportunity to remember the person who has died, bring people together and say goodbye. There is no single right way to arrange one.
Some people leave detailed funeral wishes, while others leave very little guidance. Funerals can be religious or non-religious, traditional or informal, large or very small. The important thing is to make choices which are appropriate for the person who has died and those close to them.
Check for Funeral Wishes
Before making detailed arrangements, check whether the person who died left any instructions or talked about what they wanted.
Funeral wishes might be included in a will, although they are also often written down separately or discussed with family or friends. There may be a prepaid funeral plan or arrangements already made with a particular funeral director.
The person may have expressed preferences about burial or cremation, religious or non-religious arrangements, music, readings, flowers, charitable donations or where they wanted their ashes to be placed.
If there are no instructions, those arranging the funeral will need to make the decisions themselves. It is entirely reasonable to keep things simple.
Choosing a Funeral Director
Most families use a funeral director to help with the practical arrangements.
A funeral director can arrange the care and transport of the person who has died, help with burial or cremation arrangements, provide a coffin and vehicles and coordinate many of the practical aspects of the funeral.
You do not have to use the first funeral director you speak to. You can ask what services are included, request a written estimate and compare costs.
You can also ask whether particular elements are optional. A funeral does not have to include limousines, elaborate flowers, an expensive coffin or printed orders of service unless those things are wanted.
It is also possible to arrange a funeral without using a funeral director, although this involves taking on more of the practical responsibility yourself.
Burial, Cremation, Other Options
One of the main decisions will be whether the person is to be buried or cremated.
Burial may take place in a churchyard, cemetery, natural burial ground or another permitted location. Availability, costs and rules vary between burial grounds.
Cremation can be followed by a funeral or memorial service, or families may choose a direct cremation, where the cremation itself takes place without a service attended by mourners.
Natural and woodland burials provide another option for people who would prefer a simpler funeral with a greater emphasis on the environment.
There is no requirement for a funeral to follow a particular format simply because that is what your family has traditionally done.
Planning the Ceremony
A funeral service or ceremony can reflect the person's beliefs, personality, relationships and life.
It might be led by a minister or other faith leader, a civil or humanist celebrant, a family member or another person chosen by the family.
You may want to include music, readings, prayers, poems, photographs, personal memories or a eulogy. Other people may prefer a quieter and simpler ceremony.
Children and young people do not automatically need to be excluded from funerals. If they want to attend or be involved, explaining beforehand what will happen and giving them choices can help them feel prepared.
You can also choose to hold a separate memorial or celebration of life later. This can be useful where people cannot attend the funeral or where the family would prefer a more private funeral followed by a larger gathering.
Funeral Costs and Financial Help
Funeral costs vary, so ask for a clear estimate before agreeing to arrangements.
A quotation should help you distinguish between the funeral director's own charges and payments made to third parties, such as crematorium or burial fees and celebrant or officiant costs.
Think about what genuinely matters to you and the family. Optional extras can add considerably to the overall cost without necessarily making the funeral more meaningful.
If paying for a funeral is difficult, help may be available. The Funeral Expenses Payment can contribute towards certain funeral costs for people receiving qualifying benefits, although it will not necessarily cover the full cost.
There is also separate government support towards the costs of a child's funeral in England. Check the current GOV.UK guidance for eligibility and how to claim.
After the Funeral
There is no need to make every decision about memorials or ashes immediately after the funeral.
Following a cremation, ashes can be kept, buried, scattered or incorporated into a memorial in a number of ways, subject to the rules applying to the place concerned.
A permanent memorial such as a headstone may also take time to arrange. Churchyards, cemeteries and burial grounds have their own rules about the type, size and wording of memorials.
Some families find other ways to remember someone, such as planting a tree, creating a memory book, supporting a charity, establishing an annual tradition or simply keeping photographs and possessions which have particular meaning.
There is no timetable for deciding what feels right.
