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Grief and Bereavement Support
Grief is a natural response to loss, but there is no single way to experience it. The relationship you had with the person who died, the circumstances of their death, other pressures in your life and your own personality and experiences can all affect how you feel.
Some people have strong feelings immediately. For others, grief feels numb or distant at first and becomes more difficult later. There is no timetable you are supposed to follow, and needing support is not a sign that you are grieving in the wrong way.
Understanding what grief can look and feel like, and knowing where support is available, can help you make sense of your own experience and find the kind of help that feels right for you.
What Grief Can Feel Like
Grief can affect how you feel, think and function physically.
You may experience sadness, shock, numbness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness or confusion. You may also feel relief, particularly if the person had been seriously ill or suffering for a long time. Feelings can change rapidly and apparently contradictory emotions can exist alongside one another.
Grief can also affect sleep, appetite, memory and concentration. Everyday tasks may feel unusually difficult and you may find yourself forgetting things or struggling to make decisions.
Some people want to talk repeatedly about the person who died. Others find talking difficult and need more privacy.
There is no correct sequence of emotions and grief does not have to follow a set number of "stages". For many people, feelings gradually become less overwhelming and life begins to grow around the loss rather than the loss disappearing altogether.
Different Experiences
Every bereavement is individual, but understanding different experiences of grief can sometimes help make sense of what you are feeling.
Anticipatory grief can begin before a person dies, particularly during a long or life-limiting illness.
A sudden, violent or frightening death may involve traumatic grief, where grief and the effects of trauma overlap.
Some losses can feel unrecognised or misunderstood by other people. This is sometimes described as disenfranchised grief. It can happen where a relationship was not publicly acknowledged, where there is stigma surrounding the circumstances of the death, or where other people do not understand the significance of the loss.
Grief can also be delayed. Practical responsibilities, caring for other people or simply getting through the immediate aftermath can mean that feelings emerge much later.
These descriptions can be helpful, but they are not rules or stages which everyone has to pass through.
Looking After Yourself
Bereavement can take a physical as well as an emotional toll, so basic care matters.
Try to eat regularly, rest where you can and keep some everyday structure in your life. Getting outside, seeing people you trust or returning gradually to familiar activities can help, but there is no need to force yourself to "get back to normal" immediately.
Accept practical help if it is offered. People often want to help but do not know what to do. Giving somebody a specific task, such as preparing food, making a phone call or helping with paperwork, can make things easier.
Some people find comfort through faith or spirituality. Religious communities, familiar rituals and opportunities to remember the person who died can provide connection and support.
Supporting Young People
Children and young people grieve too, although they may express grief differently from adults.
Their understanding of death will depend partly on their age and development. Younger children may ask the same questions repeatedly or appear to move very quickly between being upset and playing normally. Teenagers may understand fully what has happened but prefer to speak to friends or keep some feelings private.
Use clear, simple and truthful language. Euphemisms such as saying that someone has "gone to sleep" can be confusing, particularly for younger children.
Let children ask questions and answer them honestly at a level they can understand. It is fine to say that you do not know something.
Maintaining familiar routines can provide reassurance. It is also helpful to tell their school or nursery what has happened and involve the child in funeral or remembrance arrangements if they want to take part.
Specialist organisations including Child Bereavement UK and Winston's Wish provide information and support for children, young people, families and professionals.
When You May Need More
There is no point at which you are supposed to have "got over" a bereavement.
However, extra support may be helpful if grief is making everyday life increasingly difficult, you feel unable to cope, anxiety or low mood are becoming more severe, or things are not beginning to feel more manageable over time.
Your GP can be a useful starting point, particularly if grief is affecting your physical or mental health.
Some people benefit from bereavement counselling or another form of talking therapy. Others find a support group, helpline or informal drop-in more helpful.
You do not have to wait until you are at crisis point before asking for support.
Finding Bereavement Support
There is a wide range of local and national bereavement support available.
The Bereavement Help Point Rutland offers free local drop-in sessions where bereaved adults can access information, talk to trained volunteers, share their feelings or simply spend time in a supportive environment. It is not a one-to-one counselling service.
LOROS Bereavement Hubs provide drop-in sessions at locations across Leicester, Leicestershire and Rutland for adults who have been bereaved, regardless of the cause of death.
There are also organisations specialising in particular circumstances, including the death of a child or baby, suicide, sudden or traumatic death, road collisions and bereavement within the Armed Forces community.
You may find that one type of support suits you at one stage and something different is useful later.
Useful Resources
Useful sources of information include: